


Wons Der

by Mysterie



Series: Surrounding Shadows [3]
Category: rise of the guardians
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:03:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3578808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysterie/pseuds/Mysterie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes breaking a promise can do more than just wound the heart...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 2017

**Author's Note:**

> This is a dark take on Jamie's life in which Jack isn't around much. If you are uncomfortable with self harming then please do not read.

The snow was beautiful, covering the forest, but the one who saw it now had a sad smile on his face as red spread across the snow from him. His lip torn and sore, but the cold felt good against his skin. He sighed, not moving as he watched the red mingle with white; it should have disgusted him to see his blood staining the snow. Instead the 13 year old brunette only felt comforted and the bruises along his body didn’t ache quite so much. He turned to press his lips into the cold snow, too numb for it to sting as his brown eyes glistened, watching in strange fascination as the red liquid dyed new snow. The snow always sent his mind back four years... but now it only held his attention in the now. He slowly picked himself up, he’d just turned 13 today, but his birthday was like it had always been the last two years. Snowy and with him beaten to a pulp because he alone still believed. The children who’d once been happy to play with him four years ago shunned him, even bullied him. Even Monty, who’d been such a timid child, now sneered at him when Jamie walked by; ever a nerd, Monty had new friends and there was no place for Jamie. How had things gone so wrong so fast?

 

No one seemed to remember or believe in the Guardians anymore but Jamie hadn’t forgot and he sighed as he longed to see a certain white-haired spirit but... no, not even he could help Jamie now. Brushing himself off, he swore the ghosts of the past swirled around him; of course they did, he was at his pond after all. He wiped the last traces of blood from his mouth, satisfied he hadn’t bloodied his clothes. His mom would have a fit again if he did. Jamie trudged home in the silence, years before he’d called out to Jack; hoping the Guardian would come, but even when he’d suffered his first beating and had cried out for anyone to help... no one had come. No one ever would again. Jamie shook his head at his own thoughts. The look on his face was one curiously of relief for someone who’d just suffered a beating...

 

 


	2. 2020

8 years 2 months 5 days 2 hours 25 minutes.... that was how long it had been since he’d first seen Jack Frost. Since the newest Guardian had made a promise that none of them had bothered to keep. Jamie swore he saw something in the corner of his eye, but he shrugged it off and closed his eyes. This wasn’t as good as snow, but it was June and was the best substitute... He dumped the shaved ice out of the cup and onto a plate from the kitchen. He rummaged through one of his drawers of his dresser and pulled out a match bax. He withdrew the razor inside only after double checking that his door was locked. He slid it across his wrist as he held his left arm over the plate, not even wincing at the brief pain; a sigh of relief escaping as he pressed the new wound into the ice which darkened instantly. He saw a flash of blue and white out his window as his eyes drooped a little in pleasure. The only real bliss he’d known for such a long time...   
He knew he’d only imagined the flash of blue and white, just something he’d seen before years ago and had come to accept was his mind trying to show him what he’d longed for secretly in his heart. He let his eyes drift fully closed, his head tilted back; fully unaware of the brilliant blue eyes that darkened with sadness as they watched the boy. A heart silently crying out that this was wrong... That everything he’d been told that was supposed to be right wasn’t and it had led to this... To something even more wrong. He never should have listened to North and the others... Cold tears streaked down a pale face, watching this young teenager who seemed to sink from the pain of reality only with the spilling of the precious blood that he and the others had fought so hard to protect only seven years ago.

Why had this happened? Why had he allowed it? What was he supposed to do? Shaky pale hands rubbed away tears that froze half way down only to unfreeze again upon hitting the muggy summer air. Someone had to stop this... He couldn’t bare seeing his first believer like this... Rules be damned... if the boy could still believe... Still see him then he wasn’t going to just sit idly by. Damn this heat though... Feeling faint, he pushed himself to his pond to take some coldness from it before refreezing it; this was the only place that he was allowed to keep frozen and cool; it was his sanctuary after all and while he needed to get back to his work he figured it could wait. This was more important.


	3. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own "Let It Go" from Frozen.

 

_The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen...._

 

There was only the faintest hint of snow on the ground, as he stood on a branch overlooking the park downtown, Jamie couldn’t think about how fitting those words were that drifted on the air. He’d heard that song a lot since the release of the movie. It was a popular song and he had to agree it was a good one, but only so much of the lyrics seemed to fit how he felt at the moment.

 

_A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like... I’m the queen...._

 

Yeah, okay, it would fit better if it wasn’t a female singing and said “king” instead, but he couldn’t deny that it fit. He felt so alone. No one seemed to want to be his friend and he constantly wore long sleeved shirts now to hide his cutting. He could barely remember a time when he didn’t need to do such just to feel something besides the overwhelming depression that came when he was at school or around anyone his actual age.

 

_The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside, couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried..._

 

Okay, so the wind wasn’t howling but there was a swirling storm in him. He’d sworn earlier today he’d seen a flash of blue and white while he’d been at school and he felt like someone had been watching over him constantly the last few months. None of the bullies who dodged his heels normally had come within a foot of him. Why, he didn’t know but they seemed almost scared of him now... He wasn’t sure why that was or could even fathom the reason it had come about but now at least the beatings had seemed to stop. It didn’t mean he still wasn’t stressed though when he saw his peers either send glares his way or cower in fear like he was the Boogeyman himself. He’d tried being normal after that first beating. Had tried to fit in and not mention the Guardians or his belief in them, but that hadn’t turned out to work as once the whole school knew he might as well have hung himself. He ignored the rest of the lyrics, closing his eyes as he swore he felt someone was close by; he always felt close to Jack when it began to snow, just as it was doing now. He slowly stood up and lifted his arms a little, like he’d done once before as a little kid when his mother would toss him into the air. He knew he’d fall, expected the impact and wanted the pain to take away the pain he felt in his heart, the despair that was eating at him; what he felt, instead, was a pair of cold arms wrap around him and catch him as he fell. He knew he was imagining things and didn’t open his eyes, letting his conscious mind drift from awareness as that familiar coldness seemed to wrap around him like a blanket. He’d missed that cold so much....


	4. 20 Minutes Later

_What am I to do with you?_ The winter spirit wondered as he sat on the window sill, watching the boy sleep. Time had changed his young friend. Things weren’t as they were supposed to be. Jamie, like his friends, had been supposed to forget him by the time he was this age... The others had forgotten when they were 12 or 13; had brushed off what had happened as just some wonderful dream. Jamie hadn’t. Tooth knew that the boy hadn’t even after he’d lost his last baby tooth, signifying that he was no longer a child under the protection of the Guardians. Unlike the others, however, Jack had harbored his doubts about Jamie forgetting, despite what North had said. Jamie had been the leader of the other children when they’d faced down Pitch; the first to overcome his fear and begin that shaky step towards adulthood but even so he’d never stopped believing. In his heart, despite that he was a teenager now, he still believed in each and every one of the Guardians and continued to tell his sister about them. Jack had loved hearing of all the stories that Jamie had come up with about him and the other Guardians; even so, he loved listening to the story that Sophie had liked the most... the story of the fight with Pitch that fateful Easter night. He had heard the wistfulness in the boy’s tone when he had spoken his name.

 

He’d even managed to recreate the confused wonder in his voice that Jack had remembered hearing from him that night. How he did it, Jack didn’t know or understand, but it was always there when Jamie got to that part of the story. His voice had deepened, but every time he got to the part where he had first seen Jack... Jack could hear the little boy in that older teen’s voice. The sheer wonder and confusion of coming to realize that Jack Frost was real and was in his room. Jack would never forget that for as long as he lived. Never. Jamie was special, but as he considered this, watching the boy, he began to doubt himself. Why had he let this happen if Jamie was really so special to him? Why had the boy fallen into this of all things? Sure, he wasn’t doing drugs or in a gang or anything like that. He did swear a bit more than Jack would have liked, but overall he seemed to be good at what he did and that meant staying out of trouble. Jamie had taken after him while at school, he’d seen the pranks the boy had gotten talked into or had instigated on his own those first few years when he had believed that Jack would come back to see him. Those had faded slowly and the last few had borderlined on being malevolent.

 

_For surely the Devil shall have the night and the Angel shall have the dawn - unknown_

 

Jack wasn’t sure why he thought of that, nor who had even said it. As he stared at the boy who slept he wondered about how fitting it was that he should think of that now as night began to fall. Which was he, in this though? He had always come to Burgess late at night to look at the boy even against North’s wishes and even if he didn’t show himself. He wished he had now. How could he have known that Jamie would turn into this? How could he have not noticed before now?

 

 


	5. 2 Days Later

What was he doing in bed? Had someone found him? Why didn’t he feel any pain? Oh well. It had been a beautiful dream after all, the imagined feeling that someone had caught him when he had lifted his arms and let himself fall from the branch. He figured some policeman or something had found him and had called his mother or maybe Sophie had been the one to find him. She seemed to always be looking out for him as much as she could, despite that no one seemed to like her either... at least they weren’t picking on her or physically bullying her because of him or because she still believed. As it was, on his word she’d kept her mouth shut about still believing. He’d told her years ago that it was for the best to let others believe what they wanted and she had, thankfully, taken his advice. He stared up at the ceiling. It was white, the walls of his room were a dark navy now; he’d managed to get the money from a summer job to pay for it and the sheets on his bed were the same. Gone was the evidence of his youthful self except for a single drawing. The one he’d done as a kid and that he’d added the blue figure of Jack to after that Easter... Was the room colder than usual? Had he left a window open? His mother wouldn’t be happy. He sat up and turned his gaze to the window. He realized the window was indeed open a little and there sat the boy he’d only dreamed about.... No, he must still be dreaming. The white haired teen met his gaze, his eyes were so beautifully dark blue as he seemed to be in pain as he gazed at the teen before him.

 

Well, dream or not he really should shut that window. He padded over to it without a word to the figure of his dream and pulled the window shut. Funny, it was colder near the window than any place in his room. What was he thinking? Of COURSE it was colder over here, the window had always been colder. Silly him.

“Jamie?” He didn’t say anything. Why should he talk to a dream figure? A figment of his over active imagination as his mother had once said.

“Jamie.... please... talk to me.” The pain in the other’s voice was evident. Why would a dream figure care so much? Was it his desire that Jack would? Some delusion on his part? He climbed back into bed.

“Might as well if I’m going mad anyway.” Jamie chuckled a little to himself and Jack winced. His believer thought he was going mad? That this wasn’t real? He stared at the floor, tears starting to slowly fall and freeze. He’d done this.... How could he make this right? How could he undo the mess that Jamie had become just because he’d been a “good little Guardian” for once in his entire 300 years of existence... Well screw that. Look what that had done! Jamie deserved so much better!

 

“You know, dream or not, you really shouldn’t cry. My mom won’t like it if you make a mess... She never likes it when I do it... then again, she never believed me and if she finds a mess then she’ll blame me even if she won’t be able to figure out how I got ice in the room in the shape of water drops.” Jamie said nonchalantly. As if it were the most normal thing in the world and it was like a knife digging deeper in Jack’s heart.

“W-why... why did this happen?” Jack managed to ask, his voice shaky from his tears as he finally looked up at the boy. The tears would dissipate later, as if they’d never been so there was no worry there. Jamie shrugged in response.

“Seven years of being told you need to seek professional help can do that to a person I guess. Two years after that incident... well, no one believed and things spiraled from there.” He said it like he was talking about the weather instead of how messed up his life had become.

“Gods.... Jamie I am so sorry.... I really am... I... have no excuse.” He hung his head, he really didn’t have one. Anything he might have said, truth or not, would seem just hollow. That was why he was here now though. He’d seen the damage first hand and could care less what punishment the others thought to give him... or even what Manny would tell them to do.

 

No one deserved this, least of all Jamie who had done so much to help the Guardians. They had just cast the boy aside like he’d been some... some tool! The others hadn’t seemed to care, hell, they hadn’t even interacted with children before Jack had been chosen to be a Guardian! What did they know about the needs of humans? About what children needed? Anger and sorrow swelled in the winter spirit. He was going to fix this if it was the last thing he ever did. He wasn’t sure how, he didn’t know what could fix this... but he had to... He needed Jamie to live a normal life... as normal as could be anyway.

 

 


	6. October 1st

Sophie bounded into the room.

“Hey Jamie! Mom wants to-” She froze, her eyes wide as she saw Jack. Jamie looked over at her from where he lay lazily in bed.

“Wants to what?” Instead of answering, the girl squealed with delight and launched herself at Jack, hugging him tightly. Jack laughed as he hugged her back.

“Hey Sophie, long time no see.” She pulled back.

“Yeah! Where you been?! Jamie’s been pining over you for years!”

“Soph!” Okay, this had to be a dream. His little sister had **NOT** just told his imaginary crush how much he’d missed him.... Jamie blushed when Jack turned to him, a sad, curious sort of smile on the angelic features.... No, no, no... He was **NOT** doing this again. He was NOT in love with the personification of winter. He was _not_ , he was.... Oh damn, who the hell was he kidding?! He’d been crushing on Jack since he was 14 - which was really only two years ago - and he began to change from a boy to a man. No one who’d picked on him would have ever noticed how his eyes gleamed, shining with life at the mere mention of the winter spirit... Oh but his nosey little sister had noticed. Gods could she be annoying, well at least this wasn’t real or he’d just die out of embarrassment.

“Hey Sophie, I think you should go play... I need to have a serious talk with Jamie.” Sophie grinned a little too brightly and he had a feeling the 10 year old knew a little too much...

“Okay! See you later Jack!” She skipped back over to the door only to pause, a serious look on her young face.

“And Jack...”

“Yeah?”

“Come back more often, won’t you?” He nodded with a smile. This seemed to satisfy her and she smiled back. When the door closed he took a deep breadth, oh man... This was going to be hard. Harder than he had thought; in fact, things had become **a lot** more complicated. He turned towards the teen.

“Is... is it true?” Jack asked hesitantly. Unsure of whether the young girl had been teasing or if... The flush on the boy’s cheeks was answer enough.

“When you were real... yeah... I did love you. How could I not? You were everything I wanted to be... carefree, loyal, fearless... Now though, of course I’m just in a dream or delusional. I’m probably just talking to myself here, but then again I had to go insane at some point. Isn’t that usually what happens when someone wants something so badly that they can’t live without it? That they begin to see things? To see and hear all the things they want though it’s not real?”

That hurt. Badly. Jack stared at the teen in a mix of pain and disbelief. Jamie thought that this wasn’t real? That he... Jack... wasn’t really here?

 

The pain made him angry too... He floated over towards Jamie, his eyes burning brightly with his hurt and anger.

“Tell me this isn’t real.” He said with a snarl of anger, Jamie’s eyes widened but as much as he was surprised by the sudden anger Jack was showing, he wasn’t prepared for the feel of his cool hands against his face or the lips that pressed hotly against his. Jack knew he probably never should have done this, but he was too angry and hurt to care. He wanted... no he **needed** the teen to see that this was real. That **he** , Jack, was real... That Jamie wasn’t delusional and that it wasn’t a dream. How could he prove that though? He wasn’t sure, but if he had to kiss the boy senseless to prove it, or... He slapped away the other thoughts that tried to surface as he clung to the sixteen year old. This was wrong, on a totally different level than what Jack was trying to make right... but if it helped... If knowing that this was real helped Jamie become that boy he’d left... So be it. He wasn’t going to be sorry and the winter spirit didn’t feel one bit sorry that he was melting into the kiss now as Jamie’s arms wrapped around him and yanked him closer. Rules be damned... This felt too right to be wrong. 


	7. October 3rd

Well... He couldn’t say this week was all bad. Seemed his imagination was in full force, he’d had Jack hanging around him so often, even when he went to school the winter spirit hadn’t left his side. For a moment, he wondered if Jack even had left at night to spread winter elsewhere, and then that moment passed when he remembered it was all in his head. He laughed a little too himself as he finished a drawing for his art class. It was the one memory of the Guardians that would always be fresh in his mind, at least he thought it would be. The image of Jack taking his oath to be a Guardian. Ah... memories... Was it even really a memory? He frowned a little as he found he wasn’t sure anymore, but who cared? He simply accepted it was a moment in time his mind would never forget, real or not. His room was colder than usual. Well that was to be expected he supposed, it was winter after all and he found he kept having to shut the window all the time. Who the heck kept opening it? Did he do it subconsciously still, like he had when he was younger, in hopes that Jack would fly in? Well, no matter. Jamie had done his best to ignore the taunts of his former friends and even drawing this memory had done little to lift his mood. Jack had watched the boy carefully sketch a time that Jack was surprised he still remembered with such accurate detail. When he finished, Jack could only stare. Jamie moved over to his dresser and drew out a matchbox. Jack watched as Jamie set it near his bed before going downstairs. When he came back up he had a plate of crushed ice. What the heck was he doing with crushed ice? Jack felt a sense of dread flow through him; this seemed familiar... Jamie set the plate on the floor before retrieving the matchbox. Jack watched in silence until he saw the blade that Jamie pulled from the box. He didn’t say a word, but he moved swiftly over to the boy and grabbed his wrist before Jamie could bring the blade to his skin. The boy seemed surprised Jack had stopped him and looked up at him with a blank stare that made Jack’s heart hurt and his skin crawl at the same time.

 

“Don’t do this.” He stared into those eyes that saw and yet... at the same time didn’t seem to see him at all. Jamie could only stare for the longest time as his brain began to slowly process that maybe he wasn’t dreaming.

“Jack?” He asked hesitantly, and Jack noticed that the boy’s eyes seemed to clear a little and the blade slipped from his fingers to the floor. Jack ignored the blade and pulled the boy into his arms, floating over to the bed as he held him close.

“Jamie... don’t... You can’t keep doing this to yourself.” He whispered, not taking note how the boy merely stayed limp in his grasp. Jamie seemed to just stare before it finally clicked in his mind. This was real. It really was. He closed his eyes, his cheeks burning with shame as he realized what Jack had been about to see him do... Jack... he knew... Jamie wasn’t sure what to feel about the fact that his best friend knew what he did... That he’d stopped him. He simply breathed in the gentle wintery smell that was Jack and tried not to let his mind drift to other things; his friend was trying to comfort him. Why was he here though? He didn’t understand. Jack had stayed away for so long.... Why now? Jamie said nothing and Jack didn’t speak further. His heart felt like it was being squeezed; there was no way he could have stood back to watch Jamie do that to himself. He would never leave the boy alone again, he vowed this to himself. Jamie did need him, he would do all he could to fix this; to fix the mess he’d made of this precious boy who meant so much to him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... Jamie never stopped believing really, but he was drifting a bit towards a rift between wanting to believe and accepting that all he believed had been nothing more than a lie.... 
> 
> Jack is trying to fix that, you know I feel really bad for Jack. I felt terrible as I wrote this, but that's kinda the point.


	8. October 25th

It was beautiful, Jack had bought him to the arctic to see the Northern Lights. Even in all this beauty he saw the ledge and the dangerous drop below. He glanced at Jack, not getting too close to the edge yet...

“It’s nice here, does North make those?” He pointed to the lights, drawing Jack’s gaze to them momentarily. He took the moment to edge towards the ledge and as Jack answered, simply stepped off.

“Actually, not -” He cut off and dove after Jamie with blinding speed. He caught him easily; Jamie expected Jack to yell at him for using him to attempt to end his life. Instead he just looked at Jamie, an unbearably sad look on his face. Jamie looked away as his cheeks heated in shame. Why did he do this?

“I’m sorry... Guess I’m clumsy today.” He muttered. Jack said nothing in reply but his hold seemed to tighten a little. He rested his head against Jamie’s as he answered the boy’s question from before; if his voice shook a little, neither said a word on it. Jamie buried his face against Jack’s hoodie; his thoughts a whirl. This wasn’t a dream... Jack was real... did that mean then that...? Jamie began to tremble.

“Are you cold?”

“No...” Came the soft answer. Jack pulled away a little to look at the boy, but Jamie just buried his face further into the hoodie; his cheeks aflame in embarrassment as he remembered Jack’s words to him weeks ago and the kiss, but it felt like last night. Had Jack done that just to prove a point? To prove to Jamie that he was real? and of course his sister just HAD to blurt out that Jamie loved Jack... Okay, so those weren’t her **exact** words but might as well been. He remembered too well the curious, sad look Jack had given him and then Jamie had said it wasn’t real and Jack had snarled at him... Now **there** was something unusual in and of itself. He had never seen Jack mad... Not that he could recall and yet the winter spirit had been furious... And then he’d kissed Jamie. It had been a chaste kiss and at the same time passionate... Jamie flushed just thinking about it. Surely it didn’t mean.... Nah. There was no way this gorgeous immortal would ever think of him that way. He was no one special really. They were friends at best. At worst... strangers. How much did he really know about Jack and visa versa?

 


	9. December 6th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Figured out what the title is supposed to be yet? If not, the answer is in this chapter...

Jamie glanced about the woods. This was the first time in the longest time that Jack had left him alone; he’d gone to answer summons from North by way of the lights, but he’d swore he’d be back. Jamie had only shrugged; he wasn’t going to hold Jack to that. After all, wasn’t like he was married to the winter spirit or anything. So while he was left alone, Jamie had come here, to the forest that was where Jack’s pond lay on the outskirts but Jamie had gone deeper into the forest than the simple pond, to a clearing just beyond the water quite unaware that said clearing had once held the entrance to Pitch’s lair. He didn’t know what could be so urgent nor cared. Jack’s absence left a hole in him though and not one he could deal with in many ways so he’d come here, but it still felt empty. Jamie sighed and dug into a pocket, only one way to deal with his loneliness and pain. He slipped a pocket knife from a hidden pocket in his jacket and slide the blade along one wrist. He sighed as the liquid poured down his fingers to splatter the snow. An idea came to him then and he began directing the splatters, hopping about gleefully in the snow and sending the life-giving liquid about to splatter against frost covered rocks; he let some pool on his fingers to smear on the icicles that hung on the trees. For that though he had to slit his other wrist when the first one clotted. He smiled when he was done, admiring the macabre work he’d done and, satisfied, he settled into the snow after cleaning the blade on a tree and stowing it away.

 

As he closed his eyes, revealing in the feel of the snow on his wrists, it never once occurred to him what Jack might think of his “art.” It was only when he heard a collective gasp followed by “I’m gonna be sick mate.” that he roused from his light sleep. Jack had spent the last hour trying to convince the others just how bad things were and challenged them to “see for themselves.” Jamie smiled when he saw them and that was the last straw for Bunny who hopped off a ways to be violently sick. The innocence in Jamie’s smile and eyes had been too much for the rough ‘n tough Pooka and he wasn’t the only one. Only Jack, North and Sandy seemed to not be physically sick by the sight. Jack had moved to Jamie’s side instantly and shoved up the boy’s sleeves; Jack’s pale skin only became that more pale at the number of cuts he saw and the fresh wounds. Sandy had lost his gold luster at the sight and North was as white as a sheet.

“D-did not know was this bad. Jack...” North began.

“I know. Believe me, I do.” Jack said, his voice strained. Jamie just looked at Jack in confusion. What was he so upset about?

“Crickey mate... never woulda thought he’d do somethin’ like this...” Bunny said once he’d returned with Tooth.

“Just shows how little you all know.... Moon... I was only gone a couple of hours...” Jack looked at the others in pure helpless frustration.

“How long?” Tooth asked quietly, her normally brilliant feathers were slightly dulled.

 

“No idea... I found him like this a month or so after I started noticing blood in my snow here... I had to chase off some bullies not long ago... They were a lot crueler than most I’ve seen at this age and worse... a couple were the same kids that had helped us those years back.” North shared a knowing look with Sandy and Tooth. Kids could be cruel to one another, it was one reason many stopped believing in the Guardians, but to drive someone their own age to such extremes that Jack had spoke of... It was just barbaric.

“Best if we keep eye on him then, da?” North said and they all nodded. Granted, Jamie wasn’t the first child to walk this path, but they owed it to Jack’s first believer to try and help the boy heal. Time, unfortunately, was not on their side in this.

“You’ll never be alone Jamie, I promise. I swore I’d come back and I did.” Jack said softly as he picked up the boy into his arms and flew them both to the house. He tucked Jamie in, turning to Sandy who had followed. The little Guardian wove a dream of fun times in the snow with Jack for the boy, but almost instantly it was rejected. As if the boy’s mind simply couldn’t accept it as fact despite memories of such times. Sandy stood there in silence with Jack, weaving all he could think of; each one rejected until he made one of the boy playing a game with Sophie. They’d both held their breath until they realized the dream had been accepted by the boy. Jack gave his fellow Guardian a sad, grateful smile and Sandy left after giving Jack a sad, reassuring smile in return. Fixing the damage that had been done was not going to be easy. Jack didn’t leave Jamie’s side again unless he knew without doubt that the boy was fast asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, if you still don't understand the title feel free to ask! no... it's not some foreign language.


	10. April 2021

Jamie swung his feet as he sat in a swing; school was out for Easter, of course it was a three day thing. No one was at the park though because it was so early in the morning; only Jack and himself. Jamie couldn’t help feel a little annoyed that Jack was following him about like a shadow. The only time the spirit wasn’t with him was when he went to the bathroom. He loved Jack, he really did, but this was a bit much.

“Jack, honestly, I’m not a kid anymore. You dont’ have to be around me all the time.”

“I know, but I’m not leaving you be until you’re better.”

“I’m fine-”

“No, you’re not!” Jack cut him off harshly, startling the teen. Jack sighed.

“Doing what you do....”

“You mean the cutting?” Jack nodded as he leaned his head against one of the metal poles of the swing, watching Jamie.

“It’s not normal and jumping off that ledge... Don’t pretend you didn’t.”

“I shouldn’t have, I know I just...” Jack didn’t interrupt this time and Jamie peeked up at him from beneath bangs that were starting to get a little too long...

“Just what?” Jack asked when he didn’t continue.

“I’m just tired of it all. Okay?” Jack was silent a moment.

“Of all what exactly?”

“Of life. Of having to go day after day to a place that has become a prison because I have to go and yet all the kids there hate me or avoid me. I used to love learning. Love going there and seeing my... my friends...” He all but whispered the last part.

“They... they’ve abandoned me now, you know. The same kids I once called friend... who helped us that night...” Jamie trailed off and Jack nodded. Yeah, he knew about them. He had chased them off from Jamie early October just to keep them from beating him up. He’d seen the malice in their eyes when they’d looked at Jamie; to his credit, Jamie hadn’t seemed scared at all, but to Jack’s horror the boy also had just seemed to accept what had almost happened. He didn’t understand how Jamie had seemed to just stand there, waiting for the kids to beat him up without fighting... Had these children really done so much damage to his friend that the fearless boy he’d known had all but vanished? Jack didn’t like to think about that, he hoped that the boy he knew was still there... somewhere...

 

 


	11. May

It had taken him several hours and careful planning... but he’d finally shaken Jack and the others... Geez were they persistent! Jamie sighed quietly as he sat in the tree he’d climbed; having squirmed into a hollowed out part that was the result not of some animal, but because the tree had once been struck by lightning and the new, living parts of the tree had grown around the split part and created a little crevice. He was panting hard, it was no mean feat to outrun and outsmart the Easter Bunny AND Jack Frost... Not to mention his sister... He could still hear them calling his name, but he clamped a hand over his mouth to muffle his pants as he took deep breaths to calm his breathing as much as to quiet it. His heart hammered in his ears; he was giddy. He’d done it! Oh man... He nearly laughed aloud! After all... how many kids could say they’d outmaneuvered not one... but TWO Guardians? And at the same time no less! He fumbled for his pocket knife. He hadn’t used this blade against his skin since last year. It was odd... he didn’t feel the need to, certainly didn’t now as he scratched at the pieces of bark around him with it. Jack had been true to his word. Jamie was never alone, except in the bathroom of course. Other than that, there was always one of the Guardians near looking out for him. Mostly it was Jack and Bunny since they had the most time; Tooth came in for nights on rare occasions and North... well, he usually spent early January with Jamie and Sophie. He’d even taken them both to pole, Sophie had loved it! He on the other hand... well, it just didn’t hold the wonder it might have when he’d been a kid. It was just that he was growing up and so such things, while magical and great... they just didn’t spark the joy or wonder that it did in his sister who was still young enough to appreciate it. Jamie wondered if he’d have been as excited as Sophie had he been brought to that place when he’d been her age. He was almost positive that he would have been and while he’d smiled, watching his sister enjoy herself he really hadn’t joined her. He’d sighed wistfully though and he didn’t notice that North had noticed the longing in his eyes, a longing to be the person he was inside and to be accepted; to turn back the clock and be the child that the Guardians had met.

 

The yeti named Phil had taken to following him around the whole time that Jamie had been there and, while having the Guardians hover around him had become a nuisance, he hadn’t actually much minded Phil. Jamie pondered what to do, he knew that it was only a matter of time before they found him again. As he sat in the tree, looking out, he wondered why he really had felt the need to get away from the spirit; for so long now all he’d wanted was to have Jack around but now that he did... It wasn’t the way he’d wanted. He’d always hoped that Jack would continue to visit him because of their bond, because they were friends.... or perhaps more. Not because he felt obliged because Jamie was “sick.” As he sat there he began to come to a decision. He would get things on his own terms, he didn’t need Jack to constantly look after him. What he needed... wanted... was something he wasn’t sure that the winter spirit would give without some... persuasion... A soft smile came to his lips and finally he felt that something, at long last, was coming together the way he wanted and in a way he wanted it. Feeling a bravado he hadn’t felt since the time with Pitch, he put away the pocket knife and pushed himself out of the tree. Eyes gleaming as he walked across the largest branch that held his weight.

“Jack!” He called out, knowing the winter spirit would hear him and he was right. Jack paused when he swore he heard Jamie’s voice.

“Jamie?” He called back from several feet away and turned about to see the boy doing a balancing act at the top of a tree. For a moment he swore he saw the fearless boy he remembered as Jamie leapt from the branch. Jack didn’t think twice as he rocketed towards the boy, scooping him from the air and into his arms. He landed on the ground below.

“Jamie... gods... don’t you eve-” He was cut off when Jamie shot forward, his lips capturing Jack’s for a brief moment before pulling back and Jack could only stare in utter shock. Wondering what it was he saw in those chocolate eyes that stared back.

“Thanks, for being there to catch me.” He murmured softly before pulling back from the shocked winter spirit just as Bunny hopped into view, Sophie on his back.

“Oi! Don’t do that again mate!” Jamie smiled.

“I promise I won’t do that again without good reason.”

“Oi!!! Just what sort of reason would ya have for bloody disappearin’ then leaping out of a tree!” Jamie just smiled and whistled a little as he walked back towards his house. Bunny stared then looked at Jack.

“Oi! Snap out of it mate!” _Blimey... what’s gotten into Jack lately? Swear the guy daydreams too much..._ Bunny didn’t know the half of it...

 

 


	12. June

Jamie swore that he was spoiled. He had played it cool, but he was beginning to enjoy having the Guardians around and he realized that if things in his life had gone differently he wouldn’t have gotten to know them so personally... Like who knew that Tooth, who was so obsessed with not eating sweets and keeping teeth clean and flossed had a weakness for gummy bears of all things? Bunny had his sweet tooth too... Aside from being a big teddy bear around his sister, the Pooka loved white chocolate but he didn’t eat it often just because of the adverse affects it had on Pooka, just like any chocolate did; it was kind of like steroids in its effects but it only lasted a few short hours. Jamie had never seen the Pooka in that state, but he’d heard all about it and he thought it was awesome, but Bunny had confided in him that he’d only eat chocolate in the most dire of situations. When he’d asked Bunny why he hadn’t before, during the fight with Pitch that Easter, Bunny had told him that it only worked when he was at full strenght and in that form... it wouldn’t have done much and certainly not long enough to count. Plus, where would he have gotten ahold of any while he was pretty much stranded in the streets of Burgess and unable to get back to the Warren to nab some? Sandy was probably the only one who didn’t have a “sweet tooth” or anything like that. Though the Guardian of Dreams had fantastic stories that he told, some of them about populations that lived amongst the stars that he had seen so very long ago... North was much like Sandy, pretty open book and not really having much to hide but he had plenty of stories about his youth; a time when he’d been just a mere bandit and that had entertained Jamie for hours though he hadn’t admitted it. As for Jack... well, he relished time with Jack the most even if all they normally did was sit at the pond because that was what he enjoyed the most. He hadn’t said anything to Jack about that kiss nor mentioned his feelings for the winter spirit and said winter spirit said nothing on it either. It was not that Jack didn’t think about it... quite the contrary actually. It as all Jack could think about whenever he was near Jamie. He’d kissed the boy the previous year as mostly to make a point that he’d been real although if he were honest... he’d done it because he’d wanted too as well. He’d been so... so angry when Jamie had said to him that everything was just some figment of his imagination gone wrong, Jack had desperately needed in that moment to prove him wrong and he had... He didn’t regret it.

 

No, far from it; the fact that Jamie had kissed him just a month ago and then walked off like it was nothing had left his head spinning. He knew that Jamie had done all that on purpose... but why? That was the question that continued to nag at him and he sorely wanted to ask but he wasn’t sure how. He’d never asked this sort of thing before and how could he really? Every time he opened his mouth to speak he found his throat closed up and his hands became sweaty. After a long moment of silence, as much of the last month or so had gone, Jack finally was about to speak when Jamie spoke up.

“Jack... were you... making a point only?”

“Hmm?” He blinked in confusion.

“That night... I’d never seen you angry before and yet... you’d been so furious that I’d said you were nothing but a figment in my head...” He trailed off.

“I remember.” Jack said into the silence. He hadn’t meant to kiss Jamie, it had been a spur of the moment decision that was just.... Who was he kidding? He’d wanted to kiss him since the time he’d come back and had laid eyes on him; he’d wanted to kiss him until his senses returned and the boy he’d always known returned to him. That boy hadn’t returned and Jack despaired in that, but what could he do but what he had been these past couple years?

“I want to know. Jack... I... I have to know.” Jamie’s voice was quiet, and as much as Jack wanted to not have to think about this, to not give an answer... he knew that Jamie deserved so much more from him. There was a long moment of silence and just when Jamie thought he wouldn’t get an answer, he heard it; as soft as a breeze and gently cooling as the winter the spirit brought.

“No.” Jamie’s breath hitched in his throat. Neither teen moved, for the longest time the answer simply hung in the air before Jamie shifted his hand to touch Jack’s, causing the winter spirit to look down before glancing over at his first believer, but Jamie wasn’t looking his way. Still staring at the town below from their spot in the tree.

“Thank you.” Jack wasn’t sure what to say to that or why Jamie had thanked him, what as he thanking him for?

“For what?” This time Jamie did turn to him and Jack felt his breath hitch as he swore then he saw glimmers of the young boy he had first met.

“For not giving up on me.”

 


	13. September

_Slowly fading away, you’re lost and afraid_

 

Jack cocked his head, listening quietly to the music that floated to him and Jamie. It was coming from a car that was passing nearby through the town.

 

_Where is hope in a world so cold?_

_Looking for a distant light, someone who can save a life_

_You’re living in fear that no one will hear you cry_

 

Jamie listened, that sounded like Jack as he considered the lyrics. Jack had been alone for 300 years and he barely spoke of his past, of the time when he had been alone and of what had happened then. Jack was afraid to get close, Jamie could see it when he saw Bunny or one of the other Guardians appear. Jack might not even know he was doing it, but he seemed to hold himself back, like he was expecting at any moment that he’d be thrust back into the life he’d had before he’d been chosen, before Jamie had seen him. He’d seen that fear, the fear of being forgotten and left alone flicker in Jack’s eyes a few times. Jamie had never talked to him about it, but he knew it was there nonetheless.

 

Jack wondered if that was how Jamie felt now; if that was why he had changed so drastically, because his cries for help had gone unanswered... was Jamie afraid that Jack would break his promise again?

 

_Can you save me now?_

 

When the line drifted along the air they looked at one another. It was something both of them pondered. Could Jamie really save Jack from the loneliness he feared? Could Jack save Jamie from himself and what he’d become? The question was like an elephant in the room that hung between them even as the song went on.

 

_I am with you, I will carry you through it all_

_I won’t leave you, I will catch you_

_When you feel like letting go_

_‘Cause you’re not, you’re not alone_

 

“You’re not alone.” Jamie whispered softly, the music out of hearing distance now for the two of them.

“You aren’t either Jamie.” Jack murmured back. It was difficult for them both to believe it, but when one of them smiled in acceptance, so did the other. Who smiled first was hard to say, neither would remember or care in time to come. For that moment in time, they were simply content to be close. Jamie never talked about being cold, because the truth was that the cold that Jack always gave him was never beyond anything other than a cool summer’s breeze; always welcome and Jack didn’t say anything either about Jamie’s warmth seeping into him because the warmth of Jamie to him was a lot like a hearth fire on a cold winter’s day. Always welcoming in how it slowly seeped into every pore from head to toe. It was funny, really, how the two could think the same thought about one another and yet neither one could speak that truth or the one that lay simmering beneath the surface in their hearts.

 

 

 


	14. October 31st

“I’m not so sure this a good idea Jamie.” Jack protested as Jamie rubbed the white paint along his face and neck. Then he rubbed it along his arms too, making him look paler without actually looking like the typical white most associated with vampires and what-not.

“You’re thinking about this too much Jack.” He replied as he pulled out a tube of fake blood and studied himself before dusting it along the freshest of the cuts on his wrist, though even those were so faded now that it was tough to really make them out except that Jamie had used paint to make them more obvious. Jack winced as he watched, he couldn’t help it; he hadn’t seen Jamie do anything like that since he’d stopped him, but then again he didn’t follow the boy **everywhere** as much as he’d like to. It seemed that Jamie had given it up, maybe it was just wishful thinking on Jack’s part, but he would like to think that all this time being around Jamie had meant _something_ to the boy. Jamie hadn’t mentioned it aloud or by his actions, but he **had** changed from that first moment that Jack had re-entered his life. He dabbed some “blood” around his mouth and looked in the mirror with a grin; he was all set to scare a bunch of neighborhood kids. He’d gotten Jack to assist him, despite the winter spirit’s protests at first. He’d proven that Halloween was the night to scare and people expected it; that was part of the fun. Jack still wasn’t fully convinced, but Jamie had managed to talk him into getting Jamie to “float” into the air to scare older kids. They weren’t out to scare the younger ones as Jamie had pointed out that it wouldn’t be fair because they “scared too easy;” Jack wasn’t sure he agreed with that considering he still remembered how “scared” Jamie had been facing down the Boogeyman head on...

 

Their first targets... some of Jamie’s former friends. At first they’d been skeptical and unimpressed by Jamie's attempts to scare them until Jack had lifted Jamie off the ground and then they’d run for the hills as if they’d been faced with Nightmares! Jack relaxed more and more as the night wore on and the two scared more and more teens. The winter spirit wondered why the heck he hadn’t done this before, it was fun! The question of why he hadn’t made him remember that he hadn’t been here with Jamie up until recently and that dampened his spirits a little, but only for a little while before the two were rolling on the ground in laughter as a group of guys ran off into the night screaming like a bunch of little girls.

“Hey! There’s another group! Let’s get ‘em!” Jamie said, pointing across the street and Jack grinned, zipping across and ready to do his part. Jamie stepped from the curb, the last thing he saw was a pair of headlights and hearing Jack scream his name....

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally I meant for this chapter to be the last one... then I remembered I hated being left with cliffhangers and uncertainty enough to not torture my readers that way, so I kept writing.


	15. October 31st 2022

Jamie would have been 18. Sophie stood at the grave silently, aware of the company that floated behind her but saying nothing. She didn’t blame Jack, though he blamed himself; there hadn’t been a trace of snow or ice, outside his frozen pond, since the accident. Jack hadn’t spoken a word to anyone since then and had come to pay his respects. Only once Sophie had left did Jack collapse before the headstone:

 

Jamie Bennett

 

January 2004 - October 2021

 

Beloved Brother

Devoted Friend

Last Light

 

Bitter tears fell down his face and it only seemed right when it began to rain. It should have been snow, but Jack didn’t bother turning it into snow. He and the others had worked so hard... It wasn’t fair! None of this was... He should have lived... He should have told him when he’d had the chance....

“I’m sorry I was such a coward Jamie... That I couldn’t tell you how much I loved you.... That I always shied away when we were so close instead of pulling you closer as I wanted to.” He choked back a sob. He would never be able to bring snow to this place again without thinking of Jamie.... without pining for the boy who had captured his heart... Jack broke down before the headstone, inconsolable just as he had been in the past year since it had happened. The other Guardians had tried their best to cheer him up, but nothing had worked.

 

He was still a Guardian, despite the guilt he felt at his failure to protect Jamie; he still brought snow to other places, but not a single snowflake was seen in Burgess as the cold weather blew in. The news of no snow, especially near Easter, spread like wildfire in the tiny town and soon it became clear - even among those who didn’t believe - that Jack Frost was mourning someone close who had lived. Pippa and the others realized who it was Jack was mourning even if no one else did. Jack still did what he had to, but he couldn’t bring himself to send a single snowflake to the place he still called home. The other seasonal spirits seemed to share at least some of his sorrow for the autumn and spring colors were not as lush as before and the summers never got uncomfortably hot. Something that would go on for ten years straight until the story of Jack Frost and Jamie was a legend in the town. A visiting sculptist, who’d heard the tale had done an art piece on Jack and Jamie only after talking to the town’s residents and now it stood next to Jack’s pond. A memorial to the boy who wept and the boy who was. Jack spent most of his time at the base of the statue, weeping in despair for what he had lost... For what could have been and now would now never be. He’d carved into the base of the statue:

 

The love that never was but that forever burns in the icy heart

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *directs weepers to a buffet of tissues*


	16. October 31st 2033

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own the song "Rescue Me"

_Fight for me_

_If it’s not too late_

_Help me breathe again..._

_No, this can’t be how the story ends..._

 

Paler than the moon, than any snow, the figure stood before the memorial as the song drifted in the air, disturbing the forest’s natural quiet. He read the words on it. A love that never was? What did that mean? He moved to touch the words with his fingers gently even as brown eyes that were flecked with silver stared at the figures that loomed above him. One was obviously Jack Frost, the spirit of winter; he remembered that much, but who was this boy? The features seemed familiar.

“What are you doing here?” There was a coldness to the tone, as if the owner was offended by his presence, and why wouldn’t he be? Dressed in a black T-shirt and black pants he turned to look at the one who had spoken; messy black hair almost falling into his eyes.

“I was admiring the art.”

“What would Death know of art?” Jack spat.

“I am not Death.” Came the reply.

“No? Could have fooled me... everywhere you go someone dies from something. People jumping off roofs, slitting their wrists... hanging themselves... sounds a lot like Death to me.”

“Death follows, but I am not them. I am the Patron of Suicide.” Jack frowned.

“Got a name?” He asked after a long time.

“I did... once. I believe I was this boy, in life.” He motioned to the young boy who stood with his hand in the figure of Jack’s on the sculpture. Jack stared silently for the longest time.

“... J-Jamie?” He whispered softly. The pale lips twitched, yes, that was who he was; had been. He didn’t remember a lot of things, but he remembered Jack. Remembered who the winter spirit was because said winter spirit had been his whole world and there was no forgetting that. Even in death, in the face of it his last thoughts had been regret at not telling Jack just how much the spirit meant to him. Jack was speechless. Was this figure really Jamie? Could he ever be sure? Well... maybe Tooth could help prove it.

“Prove it.” Jack found himself saying.

“How? I barely remember my life, but the one thing I remembered - even when I had forgotten my own name - was you Jack. Your eyes haunting me... taunting me every night when I closed my own and wondered what I was doing on this planet. Why I had been given this new life.”

“Me?” It came out in as a bit of a squeak. Jamie moved forward and lightly cupped Jack’s cheek.

“Yes... from that moment we first met to the last time I saw you... You remember, don’t you Jack? The night I first saw you... how happy you were when the snow rabbit you made kept my belief alive.”

“Oh moon... it is you...” Jack said in a hushed tone, as if he still couldn’t believe it.

“There’s something I left undone in that life.”

“What?” Jack was afraid to ask, but at the same time he couldn’t help but want to know.

“This.” In the blink of an eye he’d closed the distance and pressed his cool lips against colder ones. Jamie was no longer a warm human, there was a chill to him, but it wasn’t a bad chill and nothing like Jack’s but it was one that would be unsettling to a human. It was meant to be. Jamie, as he’d said, was the Patron of Suicide and such a thing was not lightly taken by anyone who was among the living. To Jack, though, it was just something new; something he had not felt from Jamie and merely filed away for later. Being an immortal, he wasn’t bothered one bit by it as he pressed his lips against the young spirit’s in return.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know... I'm a sucker for happy endings and this one was filled with so much angst I just couldn't leave that last chapter to be the end. 
> 
> as for Jamie being the Patron of Suicide... I debated about that one for a while before I realized that it fit considering what he'd spent the last years of his life doing.


End file.
